She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Randomize
