apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
