3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
