You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
