She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
