You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
