you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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