as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
