Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
