i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
