the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
