did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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