Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
