Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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