see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
