once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
