How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
