I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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