Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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