how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
