i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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