I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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