I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's great music for shaving your balls
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
