Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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