he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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