i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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