Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
