that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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