were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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