Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
