Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
