U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
