At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
