If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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