My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
