He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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