why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
