I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
