all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
