wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
