We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
