I think my vagina is haunted
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
