More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I met the friendliest cop last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
