Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
