We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
