cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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