he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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