these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
