I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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