my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
